Short Jokes

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!
A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way...

Why don't aliens eat clowns.
Because they taste funny.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no

Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.

There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
The one on the range.

Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat?
Cut off your head.

A Horse goes into a bar and the bartender says
"Hey buddy, Why the Long Face"

Two muffins are in the oven.
One says to the other "Wow it's hot in here!"
The other one replies "Oh no... It's a talking muffin!"



Q. Where do you find a one legged dog?
A. Where you left it.

Q. What's pink and fluffy
A. Pink fluff

Q. What's blue and fluffy
A. Pink fluff holding it's breath


Q: What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
A: DAM!!

Why do eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?
Because it's too cold "out tide!"

What do you call a boom-a-rang, that dosen't come back?
Answer: A Stick!!!!

Why did the stoplight turn red?
Wouldn't you if you had to change in the middle of the street??

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic schizophrenic?
He was in two minds as to whether there's a dog!

Q: What do you call a charismatic at an auction?
A: Broke.

Q: What do you get if you cross a Jehovah's Witness and a Unitarian?
A: Someone who goes around knocking on doors for no apparent reason.



Know why a room full of married people looks so empty?
There's not a Single person in it.

Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Slvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents.
Patient: Doctor! Doctor! Everyone keeps on copying me!
Doctor: Doctor! Doctor! Everyone keeps on copying me!

Did you hear about hte new French tank?
Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes foreward incase the enemy attacks from behind.

Where does the one legged waitress work?
The Ihop

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
Damn

A blonde walked into a bar
OUCHH!!!

A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hey , could I get a beer please"
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say "No, we don't serve food here"

A mushroom walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hey , could I get a beer please"
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say "No, we don't serve food here"
The mushroom says "Why not I'm a Fungi!"